Monday, 25 February 2008

Dangerous Stunts: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

This is a video filmed in RL, of a couple psychos on their bikes! Forgive the low resolution and game-like quality of the footage, it was filmed on an early digital camera. What this film doesn't show you are the exteme dangers of such reckless behaviour. One of the bikers, Kaneda, had an accident and is now competely paralyzed....from his fingers down!

We would like to ensure readers/viewers that we do not condone these reckless and dangerous acts of utter coolness.

Sunday, 24 February 2008

Oscar Winners

These are the outcomes for the 2008 Academy Awards. Though everyone was a winner in my book, this lot just went that extra mile.

For Actress with the biggest forehead: Ellen Page, for her performance in "Juno". Have you noticed?

For Film title which is obviously just trying to sell tickets: "There will be blood". Oh, come on guys, seriously. I mean ffs "there will be bloody", give me a break. Ooooh, look at us, this movie is so hard core, don't believe us? Read the title.

For "trying to sound cool" Film title: "I'm not there" - What do you mean you're not there? I never asked you were you where. NO ONE DID!!

For Film with the most potential (but is instead made into a musical): "Sweeny Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street". Have you seen it or even read about it? It's your standard exciting revenge and bake people into pies movie, there's nothing bad about it! Apart from the fact that it's a bloody musical - *In the bin*

For most pathetic attempt to to have an "arty" title: "La Vie en Rose". *sigh* I don't even want to comment.

For least original screenplay: "There will be bloody". If it's not your idea then it's not exactly YOUR movie, is it? "Adapted Screenplay" my arse!

For most annoying guy: Michael Moore for his performance in "sicko". You might be funny mate, but lets face it - you're not making any friends, ever, are you?!

For most annoyingly long Film title: *inhale* "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford". Why do they do this? They're purposely trying to break rules in an attempt to stand out. Well they'll be standing out all right - out side in the pile of s**t that's sitting in my neighbours garden.

For best over-acting: Tom Wilkinson for his performance in "Michael Clayton". He plays a mentally ill wonders if he was acting at all!

For actress who's more concerned with been considered the "best" by accepting roles in more dramatic films, than making films which are more accepted and enjoyed by the masses: Cate Blanchett for her performance in "Elizabeth: The Golden Years". Come on sweetheart - admit it, you're a glory hunter! You've done it before, you'll do it again. What's sad is....she actually thinks she's good.

For stupid film title which doesn't actually make sense: " Gone Baby Gone". WTF? Eh? Would you PATHETIC people care to explain this one?

All in all I think we've had another successful awards ceremony. Filled with the same old bull, and pathetic attempts to make films which aren't what the producers think they are! No doubt we'll have some repeat winners next year!

Youtube FAILS!!!

Well, well, would you look at this - Youtube, the worlds largest video sharing website (as I'm sure any seeing person could have told you), went down today for the first time since it launched 3 years ago.

To add to this already triumphant failure on youtubes part, they had the audacity to tell us that they were adding new features to the site, and this was the reason for the downtime - LIES!! It has been confirmed that a database problem caused this.

Youtube isn't exactly "free" either. They host adds on the more popular videos. So from my point of view (and the view of the millions of like-minded people out there) I pay for the services they offer (video sharing) by subjecting myself to these advertisments. I have even clicked on a few of them, contributing over $2 worth since they began. Since I am paying for these services I think it's only fair that I can expect a certain degree of reliability.

Youtube entered the sector of video sharing and should not have done so for a "fee" if it wasn't prepared to accept and live up to the responsibilities that come with it.

Lets take for example a man named Norman. Now Normans day hasn't been going so great - His wife left during the night, and she's taken his children with her, one boy and one girl. Norman has gone through the whole day wondering, worrying and simply stressing out. He decides to take a break - there's nothing he can do about it afterall. He is missing his children dearly, perhaps watching the video of them playing together at their grandmothers might lift his hopes a little - now where was it again? Oh yeah, on youtube. He enters the url "y..o..u..t..u..b..e.....c..o..m" - what's this?! Why isn't it working? He tries again - somethings wrong! "WHY WON'T YOU WORK YOU PIECE OF S**T!!" he yells. He tries again - nothing. He begins to pull his hair. He tries again.............that was the last straw. He has a breakdown and he commits suicide.

There are further repercussions here - for instance, the boy grows up to becomes a heroin addict and the girl enters the profession of prostitution.

Youtube is owned by google, who no doubt already have plenty of blood on their hands, so this sort heart breaking story won't touch them at all.

These guys are supposed to be the internet leaders, and yet they seem to have trouble keeping a website up for more than half an hour. Is this a preview of things to come? Big problems often start small. Perhaps there will be me a momentous "Google Crash" causing an even greater impact on society than recent histories stock market crashes or perhaps even having catostrophic effets similar to those that were suspected from the millenium bug - remember that?! After all, who doesn't rely on google for something - many rely on google for an income or to help grow there business. What would happen if google and all its subsidiaries just ceased operating - The outcome would be

The only possible course of action is to rid google from our lives. We must begin by using other search engines more frequently, yahoo for instance. Then we must stop using googles subsidiary websites such as youtube and blogger. And finally we must not click on or host adsense ads. For now though, and just for now, I'll leave my blog where it is and keep my google adwords up as a reminder of the dangers that google holds.

Shame on you google. Your mission to destroy our lives has been foiled. How it's time to accept responsibility for your actions!

Saturday, 23 February 2008

Obama: A blatant Muslim

Some of you less educated and ill-informed people out there seem to have doubts about this blantantly obvious fact - Barack Obama IS a muslim.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this statement is true. I understand that a lot of you are very sceptical about such accusations so lets explore the evidence shall we?

  • First of all we have this very incriminating photograph to your left, which was stolen from a box in his home. The box, we understand, was labelled "Good Times".
  • Various sources online have informed me that their research concluded the following: "Obama was born a Muslim to a non-practicing Muslim father and for some years had a reasonably Muslim upbringing under the auspices of his Indonesian step-father." There is ZERO chance that any of these stone cold facts concerning his family (including the others circulating the internet) could have been mixed up in any way or form!

Convinced yet? These two facts alone should be have been enough to seal the deal. Well, just incase you were home schooled by your Uncle Henry whos paedophilic tendencies often distracted him, I shall carry on:

  • Take the name Obama, subract the B (-b), and then add an S (+s) - what are you left with? That's right.....OSAMA!!!

  • I taped his phone. Usually I would never stoop so low but my search for the truth had brought me to my knees. One particular phone call made for interesting listening. It was from the man himself - Mr. Bin Laden! It went something like this:

Osama - "waz up ma nigga"

Barack - "Sup, holm boy!"

Osama - "When y'all gonna open up a can of woopass in da house?"

Barack - "Yo man, you know I is still in da elections, I still gotz ta win
da Democratic nomination before Iz do anythin' else."

Osama - "Wat da matter boy? You be soundin' depress' or somin?!"

Barack - "Ugghhh! Iz Hillary man. She be givin' me grief like I don'
diserve! Bill should be keepin a tighta leash on 'is bitch!
Ya know what am saying?!"

Osama - "lol, I know what you iz saying brotha! TESTIFY!! Yu'll do
fine, y' hear? Just don't be lozin' sight of da mission, k?"

Barack - "k"

Osama - "k, gotta go now, lov ya!"

Barack - "Word!"

  • Last but not least, his recent acts on anti-patriotism. Let's use one example for now shall we - his refusal to wear an American flag lapel pin. What kind of practising American doesn't wear his American flag lapel pin? I'll tell you what kind - The MUSLIM kind!

These are but a few of the many pieces of evidence that point towards this obvious fact - Obama IS a Muslim! I have focused too much of my time trying to convince the minority of you who do not already believe this fact that it's true, and now that I have hopefully done that let us focus on the real problem - Obamas intentions. It is his intentions to destroy America, because as you know, as President he would have the power to do that - There's no one who can stop him (or question him)! He must not be allowed to become President! Fear My Warning!

B-2 stealth bomber crashes: Pilots flew drunk

This was an accident waiting to happen. The aircraft crashed after take-off from the Anderson Airforce base in Guam, costing the United States government $1.2 billion.

Shown in the picture are the two pilots on an earlier mission, taken from the camera of a mobile phone. It shows clearly the happy-go-lucky attitude of the pilots and their total disregard for their safety and the safety of others.

It is known that both pilots had ejected from the aircraft, what is not known at this time however is at which point they chose to eject. It is suspected that the pilots may have ejected without cause - leaving the bomber un-attended.

One pilot was taken to a nearby naval hospital where his condition is said to be stable. A nurse working at the hospital recalls the overwhelming stench of rum and the pilots childlike facination with her breasts - "We had to sedate him".

An US Airforce spokesman spoke to Globodyne over the matter - "We choose only the best to pilot our stealth bombers, so obvioulsy someone has made a mistake somewhere. Since the incident occured we've had to do a lot of research into the pilots in question, the fact that they were lovers has come as a shock to the airforce, and it can only be assumed that this was an interference during long range missions."