These are the outcomes for the 2008 Academy Awards. Though everyone was a winner in my book, this lot just went that extra mile.
For Actress with the biggest forehead: Ellen Page, for her performance in "Juno". Have you noticed?
For Film title which is obviously just trying to sell tickets: "There will be blood". Oh, come on guys, seriously. I mean ffs "there will be bloody", give me a break. Ooooh, look at us, this movie is so hard core, don't believe us? Read the title.
For "trying to sound cool" Film title: "I'm not there" - What do you mean you're not there? I never asked you were you where. NO ONE DID!!
For Film with the most potential (but is instead made into a musical): "Sweeny Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street". Have you seen it or even read about it? It's your standard exciting revenge and bake people into pies movie, there's nothing bad about it! Apart from the fact that it's a bloody musical - *In the bin*
For most pathetic attempt to to have an "arty" title: "La Vie en Rose". *sigh* I don't even want to comment.
For least original screenplay: "There will be bloody". If it's not your idea then it's not exactly YOUR movie, is it? "Adapted Screenplay" my arse!
For most annoying guy: Michael Moore for his performance in "sicko". You might be funny mate, but lets face it - you're not making any friends, ever, are you?!
For most annoyingly long Film title: *inhale* "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford". Why do they do this? They're purposely trying to break rules in an attempt to stand out. Well they'll be standing out all right - out side in the pile of s**t that's sitting in my neighbours garden.
For best over-acting: Tom Wilkinson for his performance in "Michael Clayton". He plays a mentally ill attorney...one wonders if he was acting at all!
For actress who's more concerned with been considered the "best" by accepting roles in more dramatic films, than making films which are more accepted and enjoyed by the masses: Cate Blanchett for her performance in "Elizabeth: The Golden Years". Come on sweetheart - admit it, you're a glory hunter! You've done it before, you'll do it again. What's sad is....she actually thinks she's good.
For stupid film title which doesn't actually make sense: " Gone Baby Gone". WTF? Eh? Would you PATHETIC people care to explain this one?